Friday, March 19, 2010
I ran into a friend today on my way to a doctors appointment up at OHSU. I had a copy of Goodness Magazine with me. The one where I was on the cover with my henna head. I brought it to show the doctor.
We started to talk about my experience, my journey with breast cancer & Henna Art. For me......the experience of wearing Henna Art, the beauty of, the fellowship of, the flow of energy between artist and recipient. The gathering of friends, again the fellowship meant so much to me and still does. The tears well up again as I remember the long road I have been on.
When I first heard I had breast cancer it was a voice on the phone. It didn't mean anything. I heard the words,they were sounds. There was no meaning that physically touched me.
I remember asking "now what"..............................."you have cancer"
An avalanche of information is presented to you. There is no way else it can be done. There is too much to know...time is your enemy in partnership with the cancer.
I must say the "unknown" of it all, is the worst.
Processing the info is overwhelming. You talk to doctors,friends,family,cancer survivors who volunteer to help you get through this. The "unknown" lessens.
At first, I didn't think I needed chemo. It didn't turn out that way.
I heard "you will loose your hair"
I don't know about anyone else but its much harder to visualize loosing your hair than loosing your breasts.
For me more unsettling. My head without hair......misshapened was my biggest concern.
My hair coming out in handfuls resulted in getting my hair shaved off. There I sat........in front of a mirror. OK! Its done!
My head looked ok. "unknown" factor now "known" I decided I could live with this. In fact I took the bus home without anything on my head. Bald Bald Bald.
I tried a wig because.........well I felt that was what you are suppose to do. I wore it less than 1/2 hour, if that. Played with scarves and hats. That was all I did, just played.
I recalled to my friend how I found Wendy Rover and the gift of Henna Art she had given me. She had given me much more. The beauty of self.They say.... Beauty is only skin deep. I beg to differ. It comes from the soul. It wells up from the depths like spring waters high in the mountains.
Without sounding corny, the Henna Art I recieved from Wendy was a bridge of sorts, of how I looked at myself, skin deep, to how I got intouch with myself and who I really was deep down inside.
Henna fades in time.......but what I found through my experience with henna I shall have for the rest of my life. I found, who I am.